


Bruises, Friends with benefits, a kiss and a slap,

by PhenomenalBrat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Background Supercorp, F/F, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Rough Sex, Lena Luthor Mentioned - Freeform, Social Commentary, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat
Summary: After Alex discovers  picture of Kelly and a woman from Kelly's past, Kelly opens up about a tumultuous and abusive past relationship that she fell into in an emotionally unhealthy time. The winding tale unravels more of Kelly's past and wounds she's had to heal from.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Kudos: 16





	Bruises, Friends with benefits, a kiss and a slap,

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Kelly was canonical feeling incredibly numb after she lost her Fiance. For fanfic connection sake we are going with the name we established in early fanfic and calling Kelly's fiance Tala Valheid. In this fic we are gonna sorta of explore a different side to Kelly and she gets raw and honest with Alex. If nothing else, this fic should be an example of how sometimes folks will do anything to just not feel empty inside.
> 
> Author's notes 2: This fic touches on Relationship abuse and Toxic romance. There's an element of needing to understand that people will sometimes accept pain as if it's "love" when they are not in an emotionally healthy place.

"Where did you get that?" Kelly asked. She stood in the doorway of the bedroom. She supposed that Alex hadn't heard her come in. She paused then as Alex stopped, where she knelt by the bed. Her girlfriend looked like a deer caught in headlights as she sat holding the old Polaroid picture in her hands.

"I was just clearing some stuff out of one of your old suitcases."

The picture was of Kelly in bed wearing a button up t-shirt, with all the buttons undone. She was reclining in the arms on a gorgeous looking brunette, with a tattoo party visible on the arm she had drapped over Kelly. Both women looked somewhat intoxicated. It made for a rather salicious image. Alex had seen pictures of Tala, Kelly's ex fiance before, so Kelly knew Alex was aware that was not Tala in the picture. 

"Oh." Kelly walked further into the room sitting down on the bed and tossing off the black coat she wore over her cream colored dress.

"I wasn't- " Alex began to explain as she got off the floor to sit next to Kelly on the bed.

"I know. I just- I hadn't seen that picture of Me and Gwen in, god knows how long," Kelly explained while sensing the lingering curiosity from Alex.

"Oh? So you two were-"

"-Friends," Kelly searches for a neutral way to explain the relationship.

""Friends?"

"It was- it was complicated. I-" Kelly's eyes sought out the floor as she felt a wash of embarrassment wash over her. She felt humiliated and kinda stupid thinking about this part of her past. " I wasn't really myself for awhile after Tala died." 

Alex nodded.

"Gwen was there and well-" Kelly couldn't really believe she was getting into this story. Gwen had been a messy chapter in her past. 

**. . . .**

**(3 years ago- Approximately 1 year after Tala died)**

_ The bar seemed dimmer somehow than Kelly had remembered it to be. The alcohol didn't taste quite as sweet as it had when she and Val had been here. Nothing was quite as sweet as things had been with Val. She had drank several whiskey gingers though. Honestly she had probably had way more than she should have but she didn't really want to call a ride. She was tired of moping around Hasani and Selik's house being worried about. Truth be told she had gotten tired of going to her therapy sessions too and had simply skipped the last two to grab a drink. Maybe in some fucked up way she wanted to just drink it all away. _

_ "Kelly?"  _

_ Kelly turned to see who had called her name. She was slight or very drunk depending on how you look at it and wanted to gauge how much she needed to pull herself together based on who it was. It took her a second before she recognized the woman in front of her. _

_ "Gwen."  _

_ "In the flesh." Gwen stepped closer, seemingly checking Kelly out. The tank top and tight leather pants Kelly wore were probably a visual distraction to be sure. _

_ Kelly and Gwen had been in basic training together under Tala's command. As two of only 5 women in their group that had been part of a rather close knit circle for a time, back then. Kelly hadn't seen Gwen in a while though, since Gwen chose water purification as her focus while Kelly chose Communications, focused on her Psychology major. _

_ "How've you been?" Gwen asked as she sat down next to Kelly. _

_ Kelly looked Gwen over. She looked good. Her short reddish hair was cut short. She wore only a pair of tight blue Jeans and a red flannel shirt tucked loosely into her jeans. She looked like the cliche lesbian fantasy. _

_ "I've been better," Kelly admitted as Gwen scooted closer. _

_ "Well, nothing a little booze won't fix." Gwen insisted as she flagged down the bartender.  _

_ Kelly couldn't help finding her bold assertiveness and decisiveness appealing.  _

_ "Gwen-" _

_ "Don't worry. I got you covered," Gwen assured her. _

_ After nearly a year of feeling so empty and like a burden for the better part of a year, Kelly would of been lying if she said she didn't like Gwen's seeming fascination with her. _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"So, I assume one thing lead to another and you two moved past talkng?" Alex asked but it was less of a question.

"Yeah. You could definitely say that. Things got really intense, really fast.

"The picture- I - Gwen took it the first time we-"

"Had sex-"

"It was more like a stress relief fuck," Kelly admitted. I kinda just needed-Idk-"

"To feel wanted?" Alex supplied the answer to Kelly's thought.

"Yeah." Kelly almost whispered the admission into the air. "I just feel stupid thinking about it now. "

"Kelly- "

"I should of known better. I'm-"

"You're only human. " Alex hand reached up to caress Kelly's cheek as Alex gently made her look her in the eyes.

"Alex?" Kelly's asked as she looked her girlfriend in the eye. "Have you ever- ever done something that felt very wrong but somehow right at the time?"

Alex nodded. 

**. . . .**

**(3 years ago- approximately 1 year after Val died) - 30 minutes after leaving the bar**

_ The roar of music as tang of the alcohol still lingered on Kelly's lips as she kissed Gwen roughly, almost desperately. The pushed through the door to Gwen's apartment, pulling at each others clothes link drink horn teenagers as they made the way towards the bedroom leaving discarded clothes in their wake. Kelly was adamantly ignoring that voice of caution that had been buzzing in her ear for the past 2 hours since Gwen showed up at the bar. Perhaps she was being foolish but at the moment, she simply didn't care. _

_ They stumbled into the bedroom and within moments Gwen had them in the bed. Gwen was pure energy and fire. Kelly felt almost helpless as Gwen pinned her wrist down, holding tight, possessively and intensely as she kissed her neck. For a moment the hollow feeling she had felt, was completely burned away in the flame that was Gwen's obvious desire for her. Thoughtlessly and perhaps ignorantly, Kelly let herself get carried away.  _

**. . . .**

_ As morning crept through Gwen's apartment, the sunlight dragged Kelly wake with the first light at the crack of 7am. Kelly stretched sorely and languidly. She struggled to recall the replay of last night's full events. Her naked body felt...delicate and bruised as she blinked awake. Her wrist definitely where bruised.  _

_ She felt a momentary fogged confusion as she looked around before her brain caught up with her and she realized where she was; naked in an old acquaintance bed… holy crap. What had she been thinking? Her eyes searched around the room before landing on a white button up shirt on the floor, near the bed. It occured to her as she reached over to grab the shirt, that she didn't recall getting undressed at all. Where was Gwen? _

_ The sound of a running shower, reached Kelly's ears, answering her questions as she pulled the button up on and tried to regain her barring as her eyes searched around the room for her red lace panties she had been wearing the night before.  _

_ The sound of the shower stopping was very telling, a few moments later, Gwen was stepping back into the bedroom. Kelly, for all her experience and knowledge, found herself feeling uniquely and uncommonly vulnerable as Gwen looked over at her. _

_ "Hey sleepy. "Gwen was surprisingly relaxed as sheooked Kelly over _

_ Kelly wasn't sure what to say as Gwen crawled into the bed looking like a cat who stole a canary. _

_ "Hey." _

_ Gwen looked at the faint but noticeable bruises on Kellys wrist and took her hand to kiss softly on Kelly's wrist. It was a painfully intimate gesture. "Sorry. You were rather...vigorous...uhm drunk last night. "You okay?" _

_ Was she okay? Kelly wasn't entirely sure how to answer that. "It's fine. I'm fine." _

_ Gwen shifted moods rather quickly. "Okay. So, how about I order you breakfast? We can talk. I can soothe your soreness…" _

_ It was such a tempting offer. Feeling wanted and not like she was in the way of someone else's life, was delicious. Gwen was exquisite to look at. They were friends and if nothing else, friends did dalliance like this all the time. Right?  _

**_. . . ._ **

_ One order of IHOP breakfast and more tequila sunrise later Kelly found herself giggling in the bed, feeling far less ambivalent than she had when she woke up. _

_ Gwen had just taken a picture of them. "I want something to fantasize over later," Gwen told her. _

_ "You want a picture rather than the real thing. " _

_ Gwen kissed her neck, shifting into a much more amorous mood. "I want both," Gwen assured Kelly as her hand slip under the button up shirt Kelly had on to caress her naked body. Kelly found herself just going with it. _

__

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"I can imagine where that went," Alex assured her.

"Yeah." Kelly felt her cheeks flush with mild embarrassment "Gwen was kinda always really intense." Kelly paused, trying to choose her next words very carefully. "She kinda just liked things kinda rough and passionate. I- at the time I guess I just wanted it rough too. Like some part of me wanted to just feel alive.

"Kelly…" Alex pulled her closer, to hug her as Kelly explained. 

"Things got ali- things got to be a Rollercoaster of violence and intensity and passion and-"

"I get it." 

"Yeah. I just- I feel so stupid. I, better than anyone should have recognized the warning signs and-I don't know." Kelly stopped as a bitter and confusing memory seeped into her mind.

"Kelly, you're not stupid.You were just-"

"I remember the first time she actually hit me, hit me. Not in like a rough sexy way either. It was like a -"

**. . . .**

**(Two months after Kelly sorta begins seeing Gwen)**

_ "Gwen, I really have to go."  _

_ Gwen laughed as she pulled Kelly back to bed for about the third time despite Kelly's insistence. "No. Stay. Stay here with me."  _

_ She wrapped her arms around Kelly's body, holding her close.  _

_ The gesture was both endearing and sophisticating. Kelly couldn't quite find the word for the frustration mixed with a twisted kind of enjoyment from the way Gwen coveted her. _

_ "Hasani needs my help." Kelly explained for about the 3rd time. _

_ "Who cares?" Gwen laughed at her own statement. "He's a big boy." _

_ Kelly pulled away, feeling put off by the dismissal of the importance of her friendship with one of her oldest friends. She found herself inadvertently comparing Gwen's response to what Tala would have said; not that anyone could ever compare to Ta. She wasn't looking for anything serious anyway. _

_ She stepped off the bed, looking around the room for her underwear and shirt. She reached back grabbing a sheet to cover herself, as if Gwen hadn't seen her naked before as her traitorous brain turned in a way that made her feel vulnerable, weak and confused about where things actually sat between her and Gwen. _

_ "Come back to bed." Gwen tone had lost that playful edge. It was less of a request and more of a command she was being given. She felt the energy hit her back. _

_ "Gwen-" Kelly spoke as she turned.  _

_ Gwen was already crawling across the bed towards her. Kelly felt like prey being stalked in that moment.  _

__ **_Trigger warning: Cursing, yelling, physical violence, gaslighting in up coming section._ **

_ "He can wait. Stay here with me." It was an order. Gwen reached out grabbing Kelly's wrist and gripping tight. _

_ "Gwen stop." Kelly tried to cut off the mood shift that she already felt coming. It wasn't the first time Gwen had been moody or possessive with her. _

_ "I just want you to stay. Don't you care about-" _

_ Kelly already knew what Gwen was going to say. She didn't want her- her- Gwen wasn't her girlfriend but she didn't quite have the word for it, but she didn't want her to think Kelly did care.  _

_ Kelly stepped closer. "Of course I care. Its not-" _

_ "No you don't! Fuck you!" Gwen yelled as she pulled her hand back from Kelly's wrist ,then forcefully shoved Kelly into the dresser harm. _

_ Kelly was so startled she didn't even have time to steady herself as she fell after bumping the dresser and tapping her head, getting a scratch before she hit the floor.  _

_ There was a silence that decended over the room as they looked at each other. Kelly couldn't find words to speak. _

_ "Kelly-oh-" Gwen froze as if she realized what she'd just done. She moved off the bed, kneeling down near Kelly on the floor. Kelly's brain was still processing what had happened. Physically she was fine aside from a scratch on the side of her head.  _

_ "I-" _

_ "I'm so sorry. I don't know- I just-" Gwen was so contrite and deflated. She seemed horrified at what she had done. "I didn't mean to. I just- I was so frustrated." Gwen reached forward, gentle and delicate now as she carefully checked the scratch Kelly got when she fell. _

_ "It's okay. It was- was an accident." Kelly found herself voicing an excuse for Gwen, though she wasn't quite sure why she was doing so. _

_ There was another moment of quiet. They looked at each other much closer now.  _

_ "Please come back to bed. I wasn't trying to hurt you babe." Gwen leaned in closer, laying her head on Kelly's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. " _

_ Kelly found herself ignoring the voice that yelled in the distant back of her mind, insisting that this was a red flag. _

_ "It's okay. I was just-" _

_ "I know. I just got so mad that you might leave," Gwen mumbled. _

_ "I'm not gonna leave you." Kelly found herself making the promise without really thinking. A second later, Gwen was kissing the side of her neck and mumbling sweet promises in her ear. Kelly found herself lying to herself in a way she never had as she became one of those people that thinks nothing like this will ever happen again. _

_ "Gwen, wait-" _

_ "Kelly please," Gwen is insistent and gentle and for some reason understood the exact pleasure/pain line that Kelly finds appealing as she twisted the situation into something perhaps more sexual that it should be. Not for the first time in their ongoing tryst, Kelly finds herself simply following Gwen's lead as the intoxicating feeling of wanting , drowns out the scream in the back of her brain. _

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

"Gwen was- she had a lot of issues and frustration and it took a bit of time for me to find out how much. Sex used to kinda be her go to love language when she-"

"She hurt you?"

"I- yeah." Kelly felt compelled to explain more so she didn't demonize her ex- ex friend that she fucked. " I mean- I wouldn't say- I- I wasn't exactly an angel back then either. " The admission felt somehow easier to make to Alex here and now. "I can't say I never once pushed back. Eventually things were just such a whirlwind between us of highs and lows. I was probably the worst version of myself for a while there."

"Kelly." Alex' voice cut through Kelly's verbal self flaggilation. " Pushing back to defend yourself isn't a fault. You know that right."

Kelly sighed. Her old therapist had said something similar to that. "Gwen wasn't- I think we just weren't good for each other. She was looking for a relationship I wasn't and there was this shift from her wanting me into her wanting to possess me. I- I felt like she thought she owned me as time rolled on."

"Possessiveness and controlling behavior is pretty much the kiss of death." Alex added her thoughts to the matter, supporting Kelly's own feelings.

"She could be so soft and sweet though. She had this dirty and surprising sense of humor that was infectious," Kelly recalled, " and for a while I just felt alive. It was like even when things were crazy and too much, part of me wanted to just feel like I was alive instead of just going through the motions. "

"I get how that can be. I've had a wild hook up or two when I was kinda drowning and feeling disconnected after me and my ex-" Alex trailed off.

"This was like a hookup that I let drag on and on. " Kelly was unsure how to explain how that relationship hurt her. " There's a pain you feel when you push yourself past where you should." Kelly felt ridiculous at admitting that.

**. . . .**

**(5 months after Kelly starts sort of seeing Gwen)**

**Trigger warning: Physical violence, Domestic Violence, insults, cursing, yelling etc**

_ SMACK! _

_ Kelly stood rooted to the spot. She leaned against the wall as her body took a moment to register the shock of being slapped; backhanded was a better word for it. _

_ "You think you're too good for me!" Gwen yelled.  _

_ Kelly didn't respond. She was...she was scared or at least too stressed out to articulate at that very second. She was sick of it. Gwen's mood had shifted on a dime and now Kelly was staring at the blood on her hand that had rubbed off when she touched her nose. Not for the first time, she found herself feeling angry and irritated.  _

_ Gwen stepped closer as she continued invading Kelly's space. The dinner plate that Kelly had been holding just a few minutes before, lay on the floor in taters.  _

_ "Gwen Stop." _

_ " No! You-" Gwen raised her hand as if to hit Kelly and Kelly moved faster, reaching out and shoving Gwen backwards. _

_ Kelly could feel the pricking of her own anger and frustration, the months of needling and back and forth from Gwen, tempted shifts, the hot and cold, the moments she had felt herself flinching, all building up. It was like a bolt of white light piercing through time from the very first time that Gwen had shoved her and the inevitable conclusion was always going to bring them here. "Stop! I'm not property Gwen!" _

_ "You- stupid slut!" Gwen seemed more shocked that Kelly had pushed back more so than anything. She hadn't made another move to hit Kelly though. It was like the very act of Kelly defending herself had put Gwen in reset mood. Kelly watched as Gwen visibly shifted gears right in front of her. "Why-why don't you care about what I-" Gwen's voice was much quieter now. _

_ "Gwen-" Kelly hated when Gwen did this. It always felt like an emotional gut punch designed to take Kelly's mental and emotional energy. "You know that not- You can't just lash out at me like this!" _

_ Gwen took a few steps back then. Kelly felt a trail of blood running down from her nose and a few drops hit the floor sounding much louder than they should have in the quiet that engulfed the room. She'd grown used to little nicks and bruises of the past five or 6 months; some of it from intense sex play and some from Gwen's irratic temper. In this moment though, a moment of clarity hit her and she finally listened to that little voice in the back of her brain that had been screaming at red flags for months. She simply deserved better than this. _

_ "Don't you understand how much I care about you?" Gwen asked the question like an ace up her sleeve. It wasn't the first time she had asked Kelly that. " I- I've never felt this- I didn't mean to hurt you. I just feel so much-" _

_ Kelly did understand. She had always understood. She may have been in an emotional hole herself for awhile but she never let herself be flippant or unconcerned with other people's feelings. That wasn't who she was. She understood exactly how intense and passionate Gwen was. She also understood that she deserved better than this. She deserved not to be hurting or bleeding from the flipancy of Gwen's mood swings. She understood that she wasn't property; she never had been, even when she was at her lowest and emotionally numb. "Gwen stop. Stop it" Kelly's words cut through the rambling of excuses from Gwen. She stepped away from the wall and stalked down the hall towards the bedroom. Gwen, apparently back at the point where she realized what she had done, simply stood rooted in place. _

_ As the bedroom door closed behind her, Kelly leaned against it and slid down to the floor. Within moments she found herself bursting into tears uncontrollably. Perhaps she has been unknowingly fighting them for months or years since losing Tala and she just hadn't realized it. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone. The hour was late but she mumbled a prayer. _

_ "Hello. Keke?" Hasani's voice answered her. _

_ "Hani…" The tears and stress were evident in Kelly's voice. She knew he could hear it.  _

_ "Keke- what- What wrong?" _

_ Everything was wrong. Everything had been wrong for so long. She felt so stupid. Hasani had cautioned her months ago to. Why hadn't she listened? He had seen the bruises on her wrist when she'd gotten back after that first night with Gwen and- "Hani I need a ride. I'm- Gwen-she-we had a-" She searched for the right words to explain.  _

_ "I'm gonna be right there," he assured her. _

_ Kelly felt a sense of safety wash over her then. She hadn't realized how tense and unsafe she had actually felt for so long. _

_ KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  _

_ The sound of Gwen pounding on the door startled Kelly. _

_ "Kelly! Kelly! Please open the door. I- I'm sorry. Kelly listen to me-" _

_ The tears fell harder and faster from Kelly's eyes. Hasani hadn't hung up and she was sure he could hear all of this. She tried to block out the noise and the demands from Gwen on the other side of the door. As she sat there, her eyes landed on the framed Polaroid picture Gwen kept by the bed. Her brain contrasted the image of the playful, fun Gwen who did breakfast in bed and bar hopped and listen to her ramble, the Gwen who took that photo versus the Gwen who had pushed her into walls, or backhanded her, the Gwen who was currently pounding on the door demanding her attention.  _

_ "Kelly don't open the door until I get there." Hasani finally spoke again. "I'm in the car." He had clearly heard enough. _

_ "Don't hang up." Kelly whispered the request into the air, though there was no chance that Hasani would do so. _

_ "I'm right here with you," he reassured her. _

_ Gwen continued knocking on the door and more and more Kelly wanted to simply teleport away as she waited.  _

__ **. . . .**

**(Present)**

"...so I took the picture, some of my clothes that were stuffed in the drawers there and shoved it all into a plastic bag. When Hasani got there- I just rushed out. I ran. I ran and just left."

"You did the right thing."

"Part of me felt like I should of-" Kelly found herself tearing up as she thought about it now and the memories came rushing forward.

Alex hugged her tighter. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. None of that was your fault." 

Kelly noticed Alex looking at the picture that she still held in her hand. She felt compelled to explain why she hadn't trashed it. "I kept it cause- I don't know, I guess I just- I needed the reminder that I- I'm more than poor choices I fall into and that other people are too."

"Kelly-"

"I don't hate Gwen. I guess that's the crazy part of all that." More than anything, that was the craziest part of Kelly's swirl of emotions from that relationship.

"I don't think you have it in your heart to hate anyone. That's not who you are." Alex wiped the tears that sparkled in Kelly's eyes. They stared at each other for a moment. Kelly was surprised she had just poured out that whole story of one the hardest times in her life. "That's one of the things I love about you. Your heart is incredible." Alex told her. 

"I had almost forgotten the picture was there. There was a time when I looked at it alot, just to remind myself that I could forgive Gwen but I didn't have to ever be pulled back there again with her or anyone."

"That makes sense. Mementos of painful memories are just as important as pleasurable ones."

RING

Alex' phone rang and interrupted the moment. 

"Oh-oh." Kelly suddenly recalled what they were meant to be doing before she got distracted. 

"It's Lena." Alex explained.

"The Gala fundraiser dinner is tonight. We're- I was supposed to pick you up."

"I- I totally forgot." Alex didn't sound very worried about missing it or being late. 

RING

The phone continued to ring.

"We should-"

"It can wait."

Kelly laughed a little at that, feeling a much more calm and lighter tone envelope the room after that painful recap. "Alex-"

"I know, I know-" Alex got off the bed,setting down the picture,heading slowly towards the closet. "Kelly?" Alex stopped and turned to look at her. Alex' eyes were soft and warm as she looked Kelly over.

"Yeah?"

"I love you. That's all."

"Love you too."

"Love you more," Alex told her and then she was back to searching the closet.

Kelly's eyes landed on the picture. She almost didn't recognize herself in it. It was both her and not her at the same time. If she thought about it too much she could almost feel the bruises again. So she wasn't amped to think about it. The past was there but Alex was here and now and her future; a future without bruises or slaps or the kind of love that hurt her.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you most."

RING 

The incessant ringing of the Alex phone went off again. They really did have to go. Kelly felt much more calm and closer to Alex after telling her about Gwen. In time she knew she would tell Alex everything cause she could tell her anything without fear.

**FIN**

Thank you for Reading. Please leave Questions, comments, kudos or constructive criticisms. 

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Domestic Violence or Interpersonal violence happens in both homosexual and heterosexual relationships. Based on research by the CDC, it is estimated that 1 in every 4 women will experience interpersonal violence in their lifetime. Research suggest that Black women are more than 3x more likely to experience Interpersonal violence in relationships that their non black counterparts. It has also been estimated and calculated from what I have read on 'Very well mind' website that 44% of LGBT women, at some point are the victim of Intimate partner violence or stalking or attempted sexual assault. 
> 
> Author's notes: Kelly is a character who offers so much representation and the potential to add depth and history to flesh out her back story is incredible. I tried to approach this particular fanfic in the most fair and careful way possible in respect for people who have experienced the kind of relationship violence described in the story.
> 
> -PhenomenalBrat 


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